What drives you?
Lately I have been doing soul-searching. You know, the kind that flips your world upside down and makes you question every single thing you have ever done. The kind that makes you look at all the path you have left behind you. The one that makes you question who you are, test the limits of your persona.
Who am I? Who have I been? How much have I changed since the last time I checked in with myself? What has shaped me into the person I am today? Who have I allowed to shape and influence me and my decisions?
I have learned about desire. I have learned about the things that we want that drive us and continue to push us towards our goals. That energy inside us that is ever present that we do not question. It is a tool for survival.
Desire is deep within us. It is how we determine what we really want. Desire is not rational. Desire is emotional. Sometimes we do not feel it because we have hidden it away, for our own survival. The very tool we need to survive, we hide away for self-preservation. Ironic. And sad. It is unfortunate that we are not driven more by our passions. We unsuccessfully contain a hurricane inside a bottle. By the things that make us unique and stronger.
It has taken me a long time to get this blog started. So much doubt and self-criticism prevented me from having the courage to sit down and get started on this project.
Thoughts running through my head would drive me crazy. They would distract me daily. They would divert my attention from other important things. Words would haunt me, whispering to my ear that I should be writing this down. That I somehow had to get out of me. But who would listen? Why would anybody listen? Why would anybody want to read what I have inside me and why would I even want to bring that into the world?
Writers’ words out in the world are parts of our very being. To write is to let go, to maim oneself to continue living. To spread one’s words is to sow seeds in the ground, hoping that somebody else will see them and tend to them.